If what you seek is a new start, there is no better place than within!
"Let me be myself..." (Three Doors Down , "Let me be myself")
When I was a girl in high school, I recall fondly the weirdness of everything. The one thing that I do not remember, though, is ever NOT being myself. When we are kids we are very idealistic, and it is not hard for us to be our own truest selves. We want to be noticed, and we want people to love us as we are, and if they don't want to Love us as we are, then we do everything within our own power to be even more ourselves than we did prior to our finding out that not everyone on the planet digs us. And what a slap to the ego that is, right?
Right!
One day, in fact everyday, we grow out of that version of ourselves, and then...
Then life begins for us. In fact, life begins every single moment of every single day, for each and every one of us, without fail, and it happens this way because that is the way that Life works. We are not static. We evolve. Everything that we are and everything that we do is totally who we are, even if who we are not is nowhere near who we were even a year ago. We grow out of our little bodies as babies and become children, and then from children we become adolescents, and from there we turn into adults. Yet, even though our bodies evolve and change, and though Life evolves and changes, there are things which DO NOT change, and one of those things is that one thing that we do well enough to refer to ourselves as 'gifted' with.
"I am not good at anything!"
Yes you are. EVERYONE is good at something, and that one something is that one thing that we are supposed to be doing with our lives. Seriously. This is the truth. This is what I know to be true. If it were not, I would not care enough about it if I didn't at least feel a tiny twinge of guilt when I don't sit down and at least write one sentence, at least try to choreograph at least three counts of eight in a hula, whether it is in my head or actually my getting up from this keyboard and actually dancing the dance that my third eye saw me doing, and there is not a day which goes by that I do not try hard to do something creative.
I used to think that what I loved to do (write, dance, opine, orate in front of crowds...)and my way of doing it was not good enough, would never be good enough, and that no one would want to know about it all. Then one day I no longer cared about what other people thought - I was and am really good at what it is that I was sent to this life to do, and dammit, I don't care who doesn't like it!!
No one was born with no special gift, not one of us. Whatever it is that comes to us effortlessly - THAT is the thing that we have been sent to do. I mean, yes, porn stars are good at what they do, and drug dealers what they do, and in a sick sort of way, and because the world and the cosmos needs balance, even as many of us do not think that either of those two things is any sort of great way to live, it is in existence because it needs to be, because there are people for whom these are the things that they are good at, and there is no one else who can say differently or who can take it away from them, no one. I mean, yes, these are very extreme examples, but none the less they are also things that a select group of people are meant to be here to do, whether we want it this way or not. And it totally is because the universe requires and demands balance - Hollywood has its thespians, and well, the San Fernando Valley has its own, too.
Regardless of what anyone thinks, this is how it is and this is how it will stay...
...so please, don't take forever to pull your head out of your ass, and do that quickly, because there are things that you have to do that other people need you to do, because if you do not do them, someone, somewhere, is going to have to wait in order to get their own 'thing' on.
No matter what anyone thinks, and regardless of your current job, your mission in this life is to be good at the thing you were born to do, period, and no matter how many times you try to fit yourself into another way of being, another way to do anything, you ultimately will always be brought back to that one thing that you do better than most and in your own very special way. A lot of my friends are stuck in a place where they would rather not be, but they don't want to be stuck with the struggle of not having the life they have grown used to, and they have grown used to it because they think they do not have a choice.
I beg to differ, on bended knees even.... Life is all about having choices. To keep yourself in a situation where there is no choice and there is no choice because you chose it that way, well...it means that you either are learning something that you need to know and no matter how many times you bail from the situation, you will be put right back into the same situation, possibly with the same people, and you will stay there, having no choice about that much, until you have learned what you need to learn. (I know ALL about this one- I am living in the middle of such a situation right now!) Yet, even being in what might seem to be a very stuck situation does not mean that you are really stuck at all. It just means that you have not yet figured out that you are learning something, that you are going to stay stuck for a bit, but at the end of it all, you will be better, stronger, wiser, whatever....you just need to stay stuck for a minute.
Stuck is nothing more than a place for us to study
I am stuck, and I know that I am stuck, but I am stuck for a purpose, and that purpose is to guide another person back to their true self. I know this. I have known this. I do not like this. Yet it is what is mine, because part of Who I Am is an unconditionally loving and compassionate person. Yes, it sucks, but there are other things that suck way more than this does (ever run outta toilet paper mid-pee? Yeah- that sucks ASS!!! This is a different kind of suckiness that I am telling y'all about right not and not outta toilet paper suckiness). There are other more pressing things that really bite the big one. I mean, yes, my situation is not rosy at all, and at the end of this current lesson I will be less one member of a family unit that I had half the responsibility of building, but this does not mean that I have lost hope. In fact, it means that I have much more to be hopeful about, much more to deal with, yes, but in the loss that I wait for I have also found peace.
Peace is hard to come by if you are unhappy with the thing that you do versus doing the thing that you know you are supposed to be doing. I know that my time in the middle of this messiness is coming to a close, and it is due more to the fact that I have chosen just to be Me, just to do what it is that I was sent here to do (communicate Love to the rest of the planet via speaking, writing and plain old gettin' out there and giving Love to everyone I see and meet up with...sounds harder than it is, really) and to learn what it is that I am to learn from everyone and anyone with whom I come in to contact. If you are feeling stuck by the thing that you call your job, this means that you need to balance that stuckness with something that you love to do.
I have this friend.
Normally I do not name names when I write. However, this time I will because it doesn't make sense to not give props where props are due.
My friend, Jimmy Ash, is the most bad ass guitarist who has not yet been mollified in the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame. This guy, my pal Jimmy, can play ANYTHING on his guitar. Jimmy has a day job, and Jimmy knows that he only is going to his job everyday because he has promised himself, has dedicated himself, has made it his mission in life to do the one thing that he knows he was meant to do for the rest of this life, and that one thing is shred! And who can blame him? Outside of working out and just basically being a good guy, his one Love is his guitar (that is, after his own higher Self...) and man, does this guy LOVE his guitar!
To hear him play is like watching my little sister, Napua, dance one of her own original Tahitian dance choreographies, is like reading something that my Auntie Dot wrote, is like hearing my friend and Poly-Brotha Jeff Tofilau beat the hell outta his drums, is like seeing my Auntie Kalei'iliahi's drawings and my friend Kim keep a room full of 1st graders captive with her silliness and her magnificent abilities for storytelling. My point is that these are all examples of people who do what they do in their everyday lives, and in their everyday lives they are satisfied with whatever it is that they get from it all, so long as the one thing that they do better than most is part of their everyday living. As long as what we enjoy is part of what we live and do each day, there should be less pining over what it is that we want, because in doing what we love to do and were meant to do we find a certain level of satisfaction that dwarfs the idea that in order to be happy, we have to be and do more than what the rest of the world is doing, and this is just not the truth.
We are all here for a specific purpose, and no matter what that purpose is, if we fight who we are, our reason for being never gets known by us - we continue to allow the hamsters which run in the wheel in our heads to do the thinking for us, and the way that the rodent thinks is like a damned rodent - always on the hunt for more, more, more, with no clue as to how to just chill and let you be yourself. This is the problem that we have been brainwashed into thinking. We are told from a very young age that it is better to make money than it is to be happy and to wait for the money while we are living out our life's purpose. We are told that the one who dies with the most is the winner and that if we die broke and without things we were never worth much at all. This is really very sad, and it is sad because there are a lot of quality people on the planet who have not more than what they need - a house, a bed, food, and a smile, and sometimes, maybe a dog...
We glorify people who have a lot of stuff, a lot of money, and we vilify those, make a mockery of those, call those who have what seems like nothing "bad," as if we know what is good for everyone. We don't know. We can't know - hell, most of the time we are not even sure about what is good for ourselves, let alone everyone else on the planet, or at the very little least, those with whom we share our lives with.
A life lived by the rules of others is merely an existence
When we go by what others deem as acceptable, and we are not comfortable with what we are doing after we have followed what someone else has told us is good and right, we are not living. We are only existing at that point and the best we can hope for at that point is to continue to smile that same phony smile and that same vacant far away look - that catatonic stare we wear all the time that gives away the condition of our soul. If we keep on doing what does not make us happy, and we choose to do what fills our pockets and not also our lives and more importantly, our hearts and souls, we are merely existing.
"...lately I'm so tired of waiting for you to tell me it's ok
Tell me, please, would you one time just let me be myself? " (Three Doors Down "Let me be myself")
However, I can't, because my life is led by Spirit, not by the sponsors who brought you Life as you know it and hate it to be!!
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!
...Roxanne...
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