The Beginning of the End of Things

We are all anxious for an end to this seemingly perpetual turmoil


These last years, from the summertime of 2007 until right this very moment have been harrowing to say the very least. When thinking in terms of how much longer it is that we have to suffer through yet  more turmoil, the thought in our heads should not be about how much we want an end to things, but rather on what it is that we will do with all this newly acquired Wisdom.

Even as many of us are materially poorer, the fact of the matter is that on the upside, we are all Spiritually more abundant than many of us have been in the entirety of our lives.


I am willing to bet that you can think back a few years to the idea that what was going on at that time would go on forever and ever into the Universal eternal abyss. For me, I was in the middle of pretending to be good at having a whole lot of money, of living in what I now know was not that big of a deal of a big fat house, of pretending to wedge my Higher Self into a life and style that were chosen for me. I know now, even in all my utter material lacking, in all my "in limbo" and in everything and all that has happened to me, my family, my life, that I would not ever, not for any amount of money, not for any promise of best selling book author status, not for all the poi and lomi salmon in the world, change one part of any of it.

I am stronger now than I have ever been. I am wiser now, more patient, more easily and readily able to deal with things head-on instead of just letting them slide on by until time is running out and I am at a deficit for things that issues we experience need- time and thought, both of which, just three years ago, was in high demand and short supply in my life and perhaps in the lives of many, many others. What I needed, what we all needed and what so many of us have decided is an option instead of a requirement is not more money, not more stuff, but simply, a better understanding of our very selves. We can never know one another until we are willing to know our selves. How sad it is to know that we are among people who know much about the world we live in, but nothing of the one person they think they know but are clueless about - their own Selves.

What I mean by "the beginning of the end of things"


I mean that right now seems to just drag on by, which, normally, at least in my own world, means that things that I have been manifesting are about to begin to show signs that the Universe and God know that I am ready for the big changes ahead, that maybe I have been hasty in the idea that I deserve anything or do not deserve anything, and that surely, within weeks to come, there will be sureness and signs that the beginning of the end - the slow beginning of the end, that is - of all these tumultuous things that have happened are about to take a turn, not for better and not for worse, but all for the sake of and in the name of Universal balance.

In other words, that which was crappy and has stayed crappy is about to become not so crappy anymore. Things that broke our hearts and made us believe that who we are depends on what we have are not so weighty anymore and those things that we lost, for whatever reason and however we lost  them, do not matter anymore to those of us who have decided that now  is the time when we should be reflecting, not regretting, on those things that are no longer here. We should not be pining for what was, but rather, for what is. No matter how much we miss our things there is one thing that we have all gained in the losses, and that one thing is that not a whole lot of us have been able to see past what it is that we lost.

Many are choosing only to know our losses but are not willing to see what it is that we have gained through it all.

What have you gained?


Yup...what have you gained? What is it that you have learned through all the turmoil and what is it that you have come to find out is the truth about yourself and who it is that you really and truly are? Are you not every bit as strong as no one else and even your very self would believe you were and are? Are you not every bit as ethically inclined as you have always known you are? Do you, at this time in your life, finally Know Love, and Truth, and how just to simply Be in the Moment? Ask your Self these questions before you decide that life sucks for you and that things are just not going to change. Think about how much you have gone through and who you have become because of it all. I believe that you will find that you cannot even begin to imagine being who you were long before the turmoil became a normal part of your everyday life.

I can say for sure that even though I bitch a lot about what is going on, even as I know that things are never going to be as they were and that yes, very soon, I will be by myself, I would not, if given the opportunity, change one thing that has happened to me and for me these past few years. I would not be who I am right now if I did. I would not be this strong, this Wise, this smart, this person. I would not be able to wake up in the morning, hopeful for the things that are in manifest, and I would not even bother with the things that I love to do, which is to write and to dance. I would not be able to look myself in the eye if I knew that at any point at all throughout these last few years I wanted to give up and just let someone else do everything for me. I know that I needed to go through what I have been through in order to have what it was that I so wanted, which was simply just the ability to see everyone through the eyes of Love.

I would not change one thing - this is the person who I asked to be. I wanted to be more intuitive, and I wanted to know what it was like to have compassion which came from the very depths of my soul and I wanted to understand the hurts that others go through, all in the name of Love. I wanted to be able to have a certain level of Knowing, a certain degree of understanding what it was to be in the other guy's shoes, to walk the length of that infernal tunnel of pain at whose end the light seemed but like that of a pinhole. Without all these things that hurt us and made us crazy for as long as they have, not one of us would be able to know for sure that we have been made solid, not even like rocks but instead and rather, like diamonds which have been carved by the hands and the chisel of time and turmoil. Without all the crap in our lives, we would, ourselves, be the thing which we loathe - which is, by and large, crap !

You cannot expect everyone to change, just your self


I have this friend. I cannot say her name. She knows who she is. We were friends from the very first hello. Yes, I pissed her off one time, and it was not until a few exchanges later that we found out that we were meant to be pals, and to this day, a few years later, we are still thick as thieves, close like sisters who were born within the same star family even as we were not born of the same womb. We are different as day and night, but we are close as to friends can be. I have only a very few people in my life with whom I share this sort of closeness, and I am close with them because of the one thing that we have in similarity with each other.

We have all been through a whole lot of crap, and we are better and stronger for it now, when it matters. Another friend goes through crap with her "only wants her when she tells him she is leaving" scab of a husband, and there is the one friend who, just a few years ago, was stricken with illness so grave that the doctors were not sure that he would make it through, but he did, and he is stronger for it because of it. And by stronger I am not talking about being stronger physically only - I mean he is also stronger in the soul because of all the people who would NOT take him to the ER when he so badly needed to be taken there. There are more than just these three, and it is strange to me sometimes that I draw these people to me, but if you know me, then you know that for me strange IS normal. I draw people to me who can relate to turmoil and I draw people who have something other than a sad story to offer me and the rest of the Universe as a sample of who they are as people. I draw the truest of the true, because that is who I am, and dammit, it was not easy learning to be this person, but it was very, very worth it, every minute of it- tears, foul language and everything else that goes with having to grow.

We can no longer only be willing to see what we have lost. What is lost is in the past, and what is to be we can never know until then is now. All we have is this moment to be brilliant, to be who we are and to Love our Selves the best way we know how to, by being honest and patient and by learning to simply just Be in the Moment, in the Now, because the Now is all we really have anyway.

'Tis truly the beginning of the end of things we have come to know as 'normal.'


We all need to learn to get accustomed to the idea that life as we knew it a few years ago is over with. We no longer have a reason to pine for the things we had, only time to learn to let go of what is gone and can no longer serve us or the purpose we are here to serve. If you were ever wondering what it was that God was doing when God decided that it was time for you to lose your stuff, God was busy starting to teach you what it was that you needed and wanted and asked to know so that you would no longer be blind and wandering through the proverbial and perpetual wilderness called Life. It is now time to start really thinking about Who You Are and what it is that you are supposed to be doing in order to serve the rest of the population of Earth, one person at a time, one soul at a time.

When I say that it is the beginning of the end of things, I mean things that we have gotten used to being normal for us. If you have been waiting for change, well, my friends, it is upon us.

Change. It is that thing you asked for and cannot  handle dealing with. You wanted it. You are getting it.

So deal with it and smile as you deal - your end of things is about to begin !

I LOVE YOU ALL !!
...Roxanne...

Just be Who You Are and what you want will follow, duh!

There is nothing better in life than a person who knows who they are


If what you seek is a new start, there is no better place than within!

"Let me be myself..." (Three Doors Down , "Let me be myself")


When I was a  girl in high school, I recall fondly the weirdness of everything. The one thing that I do not remember, though, is ever NOT being myself. When we are kids we are very idealistic, and it is not hard for us to be our own truest selves. We want to be noticed, and we want people to love us as we are, and if they don't want to Love us as we are, then we do everything within our own power to be even more ourselves than we did prior to our finding out that not everyone on the planet digs us. And what a slap to the ego that is, right?

Right!

One day, in fact everyday, we grow out of that version of ourselves, and then...


Then life begins for us. In fact, life begins every single moment of every single day, for each and every one of us, without fail, and it happens this way because that is the way that Life works. We are not static. We evolve. Everything that we are and everything that we do is totally who we are, even if who we are not is nowhere near who we were even a year ago. We grow out of our little bodies as babies and become children, and then from children we become adolescents, and from there we turn into adults. Yet, even though our bodies evolve and change, and though Life evolves and changes, there are things which DO NOT change, and one of those things is that one thing that we do well enough to refer to ourselves as 'gifted' with.

"I am not good at anything!"


Yes you are. EVERYONE is good at something, and that one something is that one thing that we are supposed to be doing with our lives. Seriously. This is the truth. This is what I know to be true. If it were not, I would not care enough about it if I didn't at least feel a tiny twinge of guilt when I don't sit down and at least write one sentence, at least try to choreograph at least three counts of eight in a hula, whether it is in my head or actually my getting up from this keyboard and actually dancing the dance that my third eye saw me doing, and there is not a day which goes by that I do not try hard to do something creative.

I used to think that what I loved to do (write, dance, opine, orate in front of crowds...)and my way of doing it was not good enough, would never be good enough, and that no one would want to know about it all. Then one day I no longer cared about what other people thought - I was and am really good at what it is that I was sent to this life to do, and dammit, I don't care who doesn't like it!! 


No one was born with no special gift, not one of us. Whatever it is that comes to us effortlessly - THAT is the thing that we have been sent to do. I mean, yes, porn stars are good at what they do, and drug dealers what they do, and in a sick sort of way, and because the world and the cosmos needs balance, even as many of us do not think that either of those two things is any sort of great way to live, it is in existence because it needs to be, because there are people for whom these are the things that they are good at, and there is no one else who can say differently or who can take it away from them, no one. I mean, yes, these are very extreme examples, but none the less they are also things that a select group of people are meant to be here to do, whether we want it this way or not. And  it totally is because the universe requires and demands balance - Hollywood has its thespians, and well, the San Fernando Valley has its own, too.


Regardless of what anyone thinks, this is how it is and this is how it will stay...


...so please, don't take forever to pull your head out of your ass, and do that quickly, because there are things that you have to do that other people need you to do, because if you do not do them, someone, somewhere, is going to have to wait in order to get their own 'thing' on.

No matter what anyone thinks, and regardless of your current job, your mission in this life is to be good at the thing you were born to do, period, and no matter how many times you try to fit yourself into another way of being, another way to do anything, you ultimately will always be brought back to that one thing that you do better than most and in your own very special way. A lot of my friends are stuck in a place where they would rather not be, but they don't want to be stuck with the struggle of not having the life they have grown used to, and they have grown used to it because they think they do not have a choice.

I beg to differ, on bended knees even.... Life is all about having choices. To keep yourself in a situation where there is no choice and there is no choice because you chose it that way, well...it means that you either are learning something that you need to know and no matter how many times you bail from the situation, you will be put right back into the same situation, possibly with the same people, and you will stay there, having no choice about that much, until you have learned what you need to learn. (I know ALL about this one- I am living in the middle of such a situation right now!) Yet, even being in what might seem to be a very stuck situation does not mean that you are really stuck at all. It just means that you have not yet figured out that you are learning something, that you are going to stay stuck for a bit, but at the end of it all, you will be better, stronger, wiser, whatever....you just need to stay stuck for a minute.

Stuck is nothing more than a place for us to study


I am stuck, and I know that I am stuck, but I am stuck for a purpose, and that purpose is to guide another person back to their true self. I know this. I have known this. I do not like this. Yet it is what is mine, because part of Who I Am is an unconditionally loving and compassionate person. Yes, it sucks, but there are other things that suck way more than this does (ever run outta toilet paper mid-pee? Yeah- that sucks ASS!!! This is a different kind of suckiness that I am telling y'all about right not and not outta toilet paper suckiness). There are other more pressing things that really bite the big one. I mean, yes, my situation is not rosy at all, and at the end of this current lesson I will be less one member of a family unit that I had half the responsibility of building, but this does not mean that I have lost hope. In fact, it means that I have much more to be hopeful about, much more to deal with, yes, but  in the loss that I wait for I have also found peace.

Peace is hard to come by if you are unhappy with the thing that you do versus doing the thing that you know you are supposed to be doing. I know that my time in the middle of this messiness is coming to a close, and it is due more to the fact that I have chosen just to be Me, just to do what it is that I was sent here to do (communicate Love to the rest of the planet via speaking, writing and plain old gettin' out there and giving Love to everyone I see and meet up with...sounds harder than it is, really) and to learn what it is that I am to learn from everyone and anyone with whom I come in to contact. If you are feeling stuck by the thing that you call your job, this means that you need to balance that stuckness with something that you love to do.

I have this friend.


Normally I do not name names when I write. However, this time I will because it doesn't make sense to not give props where props are due.

My friend, Jimmy Ash, is the most bad ass guitarist who has not yet been mollified in the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame. This guy, my pal Jimmy, can play ANYTHING on his guitar. Jimmy has a day job, and Jimmy knows that he only is going to his job everyday because he has promised himself, has dedicated himself, has made it his mission in life to do the one thing that he knows he was meant to do for the rest of this life, and that one thing is shred! And who can blame him? Outside of working out and just basically being a good guy, his one Love is his guitar (that is, after his own higher Self...) and man, does this guy LOVE his guitar!

To hear him play is like watching my little sister, Napua, dance one of her own original Tahitian dance choreographies, is like reading something that my Auntie Dot wrote, is like hearing my friend and Poly-Brotha Jeff Tofilau beat the hell outta his drums, is like seeing my Auntie Kalei'iliahi's drawings and my friend Kim keep a room full of 1st graders captive with her silliness and her magnificent abilities for storytelling. My point is that these are all examples of people who do what they do in their everyday lives, and in their everyday lives they are satisfied with whatever it is that they get from it all, so long as the one thing that they do better than most is part of their everyday living. As long as what we enjoy is part of what we live and do each day, there should be less pining over what it is that we want, because in doing what we love to do and were meant to do we find a certain level of satisfaction that dwarfs the idea that in order to be happy, we have to be and do more than what the rest of the world is doing, and this is just not the truth.

We are all here for a specific purpose, and no matter what that purpose is, if we fight who we are, our reason for being never gets known by us - we continue to allow the hamsters which run in the wheel in our heads to do the thinking for us, and the way that the rodent thinks is like a damned rodent - always on the hunt for more, more, more, with no clue as to how to just chill and let you be yourself. This is the problem that we have been brainwashed into thinking. We are told from a very young age that it is better to make money than it is to be happy and to wait for the money while we are living out our life's purpose. We are told that the one who dies with the most is the winner and that if we die broke and without things we were never worth much at all. This is really very sad, and it is sad because there are a lot of quality people on the planet who have not more than what they need - a house, a bed, food, and a smile, and sometimes, maybe a dog...

We glorify people who have a lot of stuff, a lot of money, and we vilify those, make a mockery of those, call those who have what seems like nothing "bad," as if we know what is good for everyone. We don't know. We can't know - hell, most of the time we are not even sure about what is good for ourselves, let alone everyone else on the planet, or at the very little least, those with whom we share our lives with.

A life lived by the rules of others is merely an existence


When we go by what others deem as acceptable, and we are not comfortable with what we are doing after we have followed what someone else has told us is good and right, we are not living. We are only existing at that point and the best we can hope for at that point is to continue to smile that same phony smile and that same vacant far away look - that catatonic stare we wear all the time that gives away the condition of our soul. If we keep on doing what does not make us happy, and we choose to do what fills our pockets and not also our lives and more importantly, our hearts and souls, we are merely existing.

"...lately I'm so tired of waiting for you to tell me it's ok

Tell me, please, would you one time just let me be myself? " (Three Doors Down "Let me be myself")

Know now that there is no better way to be happy in this life than to simply follow your heart and listen to the pinings of your soul and just be You !!! I promise you that those things that you want, those things that you need, and most of all, that one thing that you do, will get you to where you need and want to be, even if that place is within instead of a prime piece of real estate somewhere that is beach adjacent. I know this because I lived it, and yes, money and lots of it is nice, and yes, it would be nice again. But I know, too, that I am on my way back to that, because I have chosen to refuse to live my life by the standards of what makes other people happy. I no longer care to live my life by the standards of other people, no, not even my ailing spouse, who, by the way, would LOVE if I took my talents to the corporate world.

However, I can't, because my life is led by Spirit, not by the sponsors who brought you Life as you know it and hate it to be!!



I LOVE YOU ALL!!!
...Roxanne...