You cannot save everyone

...so you might as well start with yourself, first


My sun is in Pisces, and because of this I am super-sensitive, super-compassionate, and unfortunately, super-convinced that I and my bleeding heart can save the world. The problem isn't that any one of us feels this way, but that we are convinced that we can actually do it! There are people within each of our inner circles who we think we can save, and God help us we try hard to help them. Yet, there is a time when our helping them will become more a nuisance than much else.

Again, we cannot save everyone


Now, this is not me saying that we cannot try to help everyone who comes our way who needs the help. Quite the contrary, in fact. We should be offering our assistance, as that is one of our greatest achievements in life - to be of good service to others. There is nothing wrong with wanting to help, nothing wrong with feeling badly that you can't when you find that you can't, and good gravy there is nothing wrong with offering assistance, but there is a line which gets crossed, a fine line, and once it is that you have crossed that line you have gone from being an altruistic friend to being a pushy pain in the ass.

Yes, it sucks that we want to help everyone but totally cannot, and this is not just important, but also an important lesson for us all. If you feel like you are trying too hard to help another person and that other person is not responding the way that you had hoped they would, it is at that point, when all possibilities within your zone of comfort have been exhausted, you need to stop. If you do not, you end up hurting only you...and the person who you were trying to help?

Well, in some cases, they no longer want us around, for any reason, not because we were trying to help, but because they really think they can handle things on their own. Sometimes, they really don't want to be helped anyway, which leaves us feeling like we are just spinning our wheels but nothing else. It is not that they don't want any help because they cannot benefit from it, but mostly, it is because they do not want to be helped! 

Don't get all butt hurt - it really is NOT you!


Half the problem that all of us has is that we have guilt if we cannot help someone else. We are raised to be a pushy pain in the ass, but we are not taught how to not be a pushy pain in the ass. We are taught that God smiles on us when we help others, but no one tells us that those we are trying to help have the option and the choice and most of all the right to decline any assistance from anyone at all. Then, when we see the inevitable happen, we become more weepy and feel more guilty, and dammit - that is not your burden to carry because you offered and they declined.

Did it ever occur to any one of us that this is the part that the other person hoped for? Yes, I said hoped for, and yes, there are people who hope that things go wrong, or at least not the way they really wanted it to, because then the person who 'lost' whatever it was that they wanted or wanted to happen now really has a reason to whine, to pitch a bitch, to recite, over and over, the thing that did not happen to them or for them. Now they get to have all that "poor me" stuff that egomaniacs LOVE. It is the attention that they are craving, really, and how better to get attention than to have a failure in an area that meant a lot to them? NOW- this is not to say that there are not people who do not ask for help because they are overly egotistical - some folks want to do things on their own, and when what  they wanted does not happen, they try and try again until every possible thing to try has been exhausted. Normally, it is this person who eventually accepts help when offered.

The other person, the one who over and over again declines help, who keeps talking about the 'monumental failure' they experienced, who keeps playing the let's-feel-sorry-for-(insert name here) game will continue to have to 'fail', again and again, because they have not come to terms with the idea that their biggest failure is NOT that they did not succeed with the thing they (ahem) "tried" to accomplish but that they do not try again for the reason, and they will never admit it, that they love the attention that their imminent failure brings them. It is easier for anyone to do what they always have because it is 'normal' to them and they know the pain of not trying and can deal with  that pain far better than they can with the possible failure of trying something new.

The squeaky wheels do not always get the grease...


We humans like to bitch, a lot, and because we like to bitch, a lot, we will sooner seek that which will make us bitch than that which will make us cry out with joy. That has GOT to be the SICKEST thing that anyone of us has ever done - prefer to bitch about something instead of actually doing something that makes our hearts sing with pure joy.

I am not saying that we will be a shining success- come on! Everything takes time and practice. What I am saying is that we can only deal with the pain of watching someone fail over and over again long enough to where we start being the way that they are. And who really wants yet one more sorry asshole around, right?
Just because someone complains constantly it does not mean that they will get the solution to their issue- it only guarantees them that someone WILL feel sorry for them, WILL pat them on the back and WILL be there to listen to them whine about something that is completely fixable. Yet even the ease of solving an issue is not enough in some cases to make these people pause to think that maybe their game is a bit old and that there is a good reason why their friends are conveniently and suddenly busy all the time.

No matter what you have been told, even as it is the squeaky wheel that gets the grease, no one likes to hear the noise.

You needn't feel guilty


If you are feeling guilty over you not being able to help someone, stop it, now. This is what they want - they want you to feel guilty, want you to feel badly because they do, and it is easier to have company when that company feels like they at least are entitled to you feeling lousy. Of course, most of the time no one plans to make anyone feel lousy, but at the same time, it should not suck to want to help a person. Yet, what does suck is the idea that these same people, underneath it all, do not care one little bit that they have made you hurt, that they have made you feel badly because you cannot help them. They are not even available emotionally to deal with it, so instead of healing, they much prefer to hurt. Hurting is the devil they know, the devil they can deal with because they have dealt with it over and over again. They become addicted to their pain because they also are addicted to the attention that their pain and their telling the world of that pain gets for them.

Yes, this is the truth, and this is the thing that you have suspected all along, and this is the reason that you might feel like crap when you are around certain people. Your Soul knows that these people are up to no good, even if they do not realize it. It is not hard to become an energy parasite, and it is easier to become affected by it even when you have nothing to do with what they are putting themselves through. It is not your fault that you have offered real help, and not your fault that you are having to deal with your loved one going through what they are.

But...


What IS your fault is that you have not yet learned to determine where the fine line gets drawn, when you will decide that enough is enough - and you don't have to be mean or anything like that, you just have to be careful to not be open to the vibrations they are emitting and more, that you are not open to their attacks on your Soul.

We can all do each other a great big favor if we can just see through the hurt to the problem. Just like a scrape on the knee that hurts so badly for the first few minutes after the fall, so, too does the emotional hurts we have which were not ours but that of someone else's. We cannot fathom to know that our loved ones are hurting, just like we cannot fathom that perhaps the reason they are being such a pain in the ass is not because of anything more than that they are coming to suck the life out of you, but that it won't  be the way that you want said life sucked out of you !!

I LOVE YOU ALL!!


...Roxanne...